You’re sitting in the living room looking at the half-decorated Christmas tree that you haven’t gotten around to finishing yet as you study the checklist of gifts and names and try to remember who you’ve forgotten. No one else wants to help decorate this year, but you know everyone expects to come home to a house that feels like Christmas. To your right is a tall stack of Christmas cards that still need to be stuffed and addressed. A sense of dread grows as you think of all the things you still need to get done by Christmas.
You used to love Christmas! Remember when it all felt so much simpler?
Remember when there were fewer people on your list? When you only had to show up at your parent’s house with a few gifts and enjoy a beautiful meal that others had worked so hard to prepare? Now you are the one who prepares most of the holiday meal, and you are the one stressing about creating a seating chart at dinner and who to put where. You know your aunt “Cheryl” will verbalize negative beliefs about food & bodies, and you want to shelter your niece from her comments because she is recovering from an eating disorder. When did it all become so complicated and overwhelming? It feels like it’s impossible to keep everyone happy, no matter how hard you try.
You bring up ideas about “simplifying” the holidays with your family, but no one listens to you. Everyone wants nothing to change, even though you know everything is changing and you can’t make it stop. You feel so overwhelmed with all the things you have to get done, and it’s hard to enjoy the moments that you work so hard to create. So how can you regain a sense of peace and joy during the holiday season?
Here are some ideas about how to have a little more calm in our Christmas.
Let go of perfect and embrace good enough
If you find yourself feeling like nothing is ever quite good enough, or you are spending way too much time on details that may not have a significant impact on what matters most to you, you may be a perfectionist. Reminding yourself of what is most important and letting the other things go, can go a long way in helping you to find more peace. Having unrealistically high expectations of yourself and others can bring frustration, judgment, and even depression. Try practicing gratitude, and look at setbacks or failures as opportunities for growth and learning. Resist the temptation to constantly compare yourself to others. When you find yourself comparing, ask yourself, “does this make me feel better or worse?” Make an effort to surround yourself with people and influences that inspire you and make you feel uplifted and positive.
Minimize your obligations and prioritize the things that are important to you
The holidays can be a busy time, and we can often find ourselves spending time doing things we don’t want to out of a sense of obligation. It’s important to prioritize the things that are most important or valuable to you and set boundaries around your time and energy. Pay attention to feelings of resentment. If you resent doing something, it may not be something you actually want to do, or you may be doing it for the wrong reasons. Ask yourself if the thing you resent is something you really want to do, and why you are doing it. If you are only doing it because someone else wants you to and you fear disappointing them, you may need to reconsider.
Let people be disappointed if necessary
It’s hard to disappoint people, especially if you believe that it’s your job to keep everyone around you happy. But remember, you are not responsible for things that you can’t control, and you can’t control other people’s feelings. All you can control is your actions. Fearing that you will disappoint others can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout. It can be very uncomfortable setting boundaries, telling people no, and seeing them disappointed. But it’s important to remind yourself that “uncomfortable” is not the same thing as “dangerous.” If you can reframe your fear as uncomfortable, but not dangerous, you will be more likely to be able to tolerate it instead of avoiding it at all costs.
Simplify and ask for help
When we start feeling resentful, that can be a sign that we’ve taken on too much. Resentment is telling us that we probably need to ask for help or simplify. Figure out what things are the most important to you, and the things that are less important. Focus your time and energy on the things you value. If family members or others care a lot about things that are less important to you, invite them to help or take over those tasks. If they are unwilling to help, it may not actually be a priority for them either. When you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, reach out for support. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, or find a good therapist. Sharing your feelings with someone in a safe environment can help ease feelings of anxiety and depression.
Prioritize your favorite things about the holiday and relish them
When you feel overwhelmed it can be hard to live in the moment and find joy in the holiday season. Take some time to think about your favorite holiday traditions, activities, or memories. What is it about those things that were so special to you? Make sure that you prioritize those things you enjoy most and set aside time in your calendar. And when you do them, try to stay in the moment. Think about what you are experiencing. Notice the smells, sensations, sights, and sounds. Let yourself linger in those moments.
Take time for yourself every day
When it already feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day, it can be hard to set aside time for yourself. But make sure you have special time for yourself every day can make a huge difference in how you feel. It may only be 10 or 15 minutes. You may use that time to write in your journal, stretch, meditate, read, exercise, or take a bubble bath. Find something that recharges you and feels special. Be protective about that time and prioritize it above everything else. Prioritizing yourself is what allows you to live your life smoothly and effectively, so you can bring your best to whatever priorities and challenges come your way. Tending to your own physical and psychological needs is one of the best holiday gifts you can give. Not only to yourself but to everyone around you.
Begin Therapy for Anxiety in Salt Lake City
If you find yourself feeling more overwhelmed than normal, or if you anticipate you’re going to be reeling from the holidays once they are over, don’t hesitate to reach out and get support. Life can be a balancing act, and our team of caring therapists would be honored to support you in making the most of the holiday season. You can start your therapy journey with Inside Wellness by following these simple steps:
Contact Inside Wellness by scheduling an appointment or calling 801-699-6161.
Meet with a caring therapist
Start enjoying a more peaceful holiday season!
Other Services Offered at Inside Wellness
Our team understands you may experience a number of mental health concerns in addition to anxiety counseling. This is why we are happy to offer support with a variety of mental health services. Other services offered include body image counseling, eating disorder therapy, and online Therapy in Utah. Feel free to visit our blog or FAQ to learn more helpful information!