The holiday season often brings joy and connection but can also come with a significant amount of pressure, anxiety & stress.
You want to have a relaxed holiday season without anxiety or worry, because after all “it’s the happiest time of the year” right? AND yet some moments is can feel like it’s the most “stressful time of the year”. You’re never sure how to strike the balance of managing your needs, the needs of others, the activities, making memories, and buying the perfect gift for those you love. If you're feeling overwhelmed by unrealistic and unrelenting self-expectations, then consider trying a few of these tips to help you soften those expectations & keep your anxiety from hijacking your joy.
1. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
It’s easy to get caught up in wanting the holidays to look like a picture-perfect Instagram post, complete with the perfect outfit and Pinterest-worthy presentation of your holiday gifts & goods. It’s totally understandable to want to have the ambiance or vibes that will allow for connection & fun. But if the expectation & realities can’t be in alignment you will likely find yourself stressed out, agitated, and in your head worrying about the details that only you might notice. While this is well intended, focusing on perfection will keep you from enjoying connections that are right in front of you.
Tip:
Identify the top 2 traditions or memories you’d like to make with your friends & family. With these two in mind, consider how you are going to feel if you are aiming for Pinterest-level performance. Will you be present, calm, and connected or will you be stressed, distracted, and overwhelmed in advance? Instead, consider which parts of the activity could be forfooted without much consequence. This is really hard to do because we want it all, so our initial instinct may be to resist that question altogether. So ask a friend or family member who can offer a different perspective on how to take your vision & scale it down a bit.
Example:
If you are decorating cookies, consider not decorating the kitchen area & let the cookies be the star of the show. Or assign people different items to bring to contribute so that you are not the only one preparing for the event. Is there anything that you can get that’s pre-made such as frosting instead of making it from scratch?
2. Set Boundaries Around Your Time and Energy
The holidays often come with packed schedules, but you don’t have to say yes to everything. Overcommitting can lead to burnout, resentment, and stress. It may make you anxious to decline an invitation or kick up a little guilt. But if you’re overextended your mood will take a turn for the worse, and things may start to unravel. . It's okay to decline invitations or delegate tasks.
Tip:
When you are responding to an invitation to a holiday event, state the bottom line, do not explain the bottom line.
Example:
“I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now.” or “Sounds fun, we won’t be able to make it this time, thanks for the invite”. When we try to explain things, we often end up in people-pleasing mode or caretaking other people’s feelings. This brings anxiety levels up quickly. Most of the time, people accept the bottom line more easily than we might predict.
3. Release the “Shoulds”
The idea that you "should" be doing certain things—sending cards to everyone you know, decorating every corner of your home, or attending every event—can create unnecessary anxiety and stress. Your holiday season doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It doesn’t have to look like the ones you’ve had in the past. My favorite childhood Christmas Eve was the year the power went out & we ate pizza by candlelight. It was not the evening my parents had in mind, but it was one for the books!
Tip:
Take inventory of your "shoulds" and ask yourself which ones align with your values and bring the most joy. Then release the rest.
Example:
If writing dozens of holiday cards feels like a chore, consider sending a heartfelt email or message to your closest loved ones instead. One year I got a Valentine’s Day card with a family photo from a friend who decided it was in her best interest to postpone her annual photo/card tradition during the holidays.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
The holidays can amplify feelings of inadequacy, especially when comparing yourself to others. If things don’t go as planned, remind yourself that you’re human and doing the best you can.
Tip:
Replace critical self-talk with kinder language. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Another way to look at it is to apply the “reasonable” yardstick. Meaning, did you do your reasonable best with the circumstances & stressors at the time? When we take an honest inventory of our energy, mood, stressors and such, we almost always do our reasonable best.
Example:
If you forget a gift or make a mistake, focus on the effort you’ve made rather than what you perceive as a shortfall.
5. Create Moments of Calm
The hustle and bustle of the holidays can leave little room for rest. Prioritize moments of calm to recharge your mind and body, even if it means stepping away from the festivities for a while.
Tip:
Schedule downtime into your holiday plans. Think back to years prior to see where you feel like you overbooked your energy or nervous system. Sometimes we find a better path forward when we look back at what didn’t serve us in the past.
Example:
Ideally, carving out time to relax with a favorite book or movie sounds dreamy. And sometimes that seems unrealistic during this season. So plan on some mini-breaks. In moments of high stress, put on a 1-3 min breathing app or meditation on an app such as Calm or Headspace. Even if the party is going on & you are the host. You can slip out for a “bathroom break” and help yourself get re-centered.
Start Working With an Anxiety Therapist in Salt Lake City, UT
Remember, the holidays are about celebrating in a way that feels meaningful to you. By managing self-expectations, setting boundaries, and embracing imperfection, you can enjoy the season with less stress and more fulfillment. If you struggle with being able to juggle it all, know you are not alone. Our team can offer support & new tools to help you manage your anxiety & expectations, you can follow these steps to get support from Inside Wellness:
Contact us or give us a call at 801-699-6161
Meet with a caring therapist
Start making the most of the holiday season!
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