Some days, you wake up already in a battle with yourself.
You notice the tension in your chest before your feet hit the floor. You’re tired of thinking about food. You’re tired of thinking about your body. And at the same time, it feels impossible not to think about those things.
You’re juggling deadlines, classes, and social expectations, all while trying to follow your meal plan or stay connected to your “why” in the recovery process. You’re hearing your friends talk about their “good” and “bad” foods, new workout plans, and attaching calories, guilt, and shame to every conversation & every holiday event. You feel like you’re going to snap! Why can’t the voice in your head just stop talking for 5 seconds & leave you in peace?!?!
Working on recovery is feeling very overwhelming and overrated right now.
Doing the hard things that will move you into a good spot with food, & your body feels like an anxiety fest and low-key punishment at the moment. While you know that the prison in your mind is a nightmare, so is the initial phase of losing your E.D. frenemy. You have come a long way already, but getting help and "loosening" your grip around food & your body holds less meaning in the moment for you than getting praised by people who are dripping in diet culture feedback. While it absolutely takes so much grit, hard work, and discipline to defy your eating disorder voice, you preferred the other types of praise. You may know, logically, that healing requires gentleness… but the practice of it still feels like walking around in shoes that don’t fit. Being less rigid, loosening your grip of overcontrol, and trying to dial back the perfectionism almost feels like losing yourself.
Feeling this way is normal, and it will NOT last forever, but if so challenging in this phase of recovery. Your brain and body are trying to unlearn years of conditioning, fear, and self-criticism. And that takes time, support, and consistent care.
There are some common Holiday Hurdles that can trip you up & that everyone in recovery goes through. Let’s look at a few of them & give you a few tools to help you ride out the holiday season.
Body Changes & Distrust
Body changes can feel chaotic, especially if your eating disorder has become the primary way your brain has shut down any uncomfortable emotions it feels unprepared to feel, or does not feel it has the tools to work through. While body hatred feels awful, our brains LOVE predictability, and predictability to the scared brain feels safe. So wanting to feel safe, especially safe in your body, makes so much sense. However, restriction, limitations, and self-punishment are miserable and require an ongoing feedback loop that will never let you be free.
It’s the ultimate chasing-a-rainbow type of gig. You feel like when you do certain behaviors, meet or maintain certain weights, that you will feel better. And you do, for a hot second or until your patterns are challenged, and then the train comes off the rails real fast. True freedom comes with giving your body the freedom & fuel it deserves. So if you feel as if recovery feels like you're initially moving backwards, this is probably a good sign that you are starting to move forward in long term peace & recovery.
What can help:
Use grounding language-talk to your body like she is listening and deserves kindness
Try saying to yourself: “My body is shifting because it’s healing. I don’t have to like the sensations to allow them.” or “My eating disorder brain is SO good at lying to me. It sends false signals & sensations that are hard to tolerate, but my team swears they will soften the more I challenge the lies”.
Reduce mirror checking.
You don’t need to earn your right to eat by critiquing your reflection. Cover mirrors, limit time spent in front of them, or put sticky notes with compassion-based reminders. When we are already anxious or stressed, reducing these trigger points can be wise.
Let your team guide the process.
You do not have to decide alone what is “too much” or “not enough.” Let your dietitian, therapist, and medical provider make those decisions while you focus on practicing the skills. They’ve seen this process work time & time again. And they are amazed at every step forward and see struggles or “failures” as just data that guides us towards better tools or a signal or practicing tools that you’ll become an expert at if you can give yourself more grace & more time.
Food is still a love- hate or a hate- hate relationship
Eating disorder thoughts often show up the loudest when you’re doing the most healing. Even when you’re following your treatment plan, meals can still feel overwhelming. You may worry about eating “too much,” choosing the “wrong” foods, or you might freeze at the sight of a full plate. Or want to run away or run towards the table filled with holiday specialty items that you haven’t seen all year. Any food that we have limited exposure to impacts how we feel about it and interact with it. This is true for all humans, not just someone who is in recovery. If we look at this in a non-food way, it may make more sense.
When people come to visit Utah, especially if they love the outdoors, they are always amazed by our national parks or “hidden gems” of outdoor beauty.
While this is absolutely true, they are also surprised by how many people who have grown up here have not been to every national park or sought out the “hidden gems”. Why? It’s because often times when you have full access to something, the sense of urgency or “pull” towards it is lessened. You may have an interest in seeing it, but you infrequently plan your life around it. But if you plan an month long trip to Utah, then you are going to be very excited & you’re going to feel the pull to see all of the things. And so it is with holiday or “special” occasion foods.
Our brain is keyed up & excited because they feel special and time-limited. So if you are feeling panicked about these thoughts or in shame, know that these emotions are occurring simply because of the time-limited, lack of access to these foods. This is not a signal of anything else your brain might be telling you. Your body can be trusted & eating differently -with food types of larger amounts than normal, is normal. Relax into the experience, and if you get scared, your team will be there to give you support & direction if it’s needed.
What can help:
Break meals into moments.
Instead of thinking about the entire meal, focus on the next bite, then the next. Healing happens one decision at a time, not in perfectly confident leaps.
Pair eating with something regulating.
Lo-fi music, a calming podcast, sitting with someone you trust, or even lighting a candle can soften activation in your nervous system.
Avoid negotiating.
You may feel tempted to bargain with yourself (“I’ll skip this part if I eat more later”). Reduction of negotiating helps build trust in your body’s signals and your team’s plan.
When Planning Anxiety Partners up with Food Anxiety
College social life is full of last-minute plans, dinners out, late-night snacks, and events where food is typically included. This can spark anxiety about losing structure, losing “control”, or being judged. You might find yourself wanting to distance yourself from friends, having the urge to turn down invitations, or only saying yes if you know exactly what food will be involved. While your brain wants “over-control” in the moment, long-term “go with the flow” is a much easier way of living.
What can help:
Prep a simple script.
If you’re going out to eat, try: “My body knows how much food to eat, even when it’s at a restaurant.” “I don’t have to estimate calories because my body knows what it needs & tells me through my hunger & fullness cues”. Or “not one meal or one day can make or break my recovery or my body shape/size”. This keeps you connected without feeding your anxious brain hours of advance planning.
Have a recovery buddy.
Someone who knows what you’re working on, such as a roommate, close friend, or partner. A silent cheerleader or gentle nod of reassurance can go a long way when the voice in your head starts to get loud.
Allow imperfection.
Social eating will not always feel comfortable or smooth. It’s okay if you feel awkward, unsure, or emotional. You’re learning a new skill in real time.
Coping with the “should’s”
Healing does not follow a straight line. There will be days when you feel strong, and days when a seemingly offhand comment, a clothing fit, a stressful class spins you out. Setbacks don’t erase progress. They’re part of the process.
What can help:
Name the critical voice.
Sometimes giving it a name (“The Drill Sergeant,” “The Shadow” “Captain Should”) helps create emotional distance.
Practice opposite action.
If the critic says “work out to compensate,” the recovery action might be “rest and eat anyway.” Opposite action strengthens your recovery muscles.
Use compassionate self-talk, even if it feels fake.
You don’t need to fully believe the kinder voice yet. Just practicing it helps your brain form new pathways.
Let yourself be human.
You are not a project to perfect. You’re a person who is healing in real time. And all humans, when learning in real time, cannot make progress without many attempts. Babies must crawl, stand, & walk before they can learn to run. And they fall down countless times before progressing to the new skills. Falling down IS an essential part of the learning process. So celebrate when your falling down moments lead to you getting back up & getting curious about the why!
Finding Steady Ground—One Step at a Time With Eating Disorder Help in Utah
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in these words, take a moment to breathe. Your body is not betraying you. Your worth is not conditional. And you’re not expected to know how to do this alone.
Eating disorder recovery requires tenderness, skill, repetition, and support. A therapist at Inside Wellness who specializes in this work can help you navigate the moments that feel messy, overwhelming, or confusing. They can help you understand what’s happening in your brain and body, learn coping skills that actually fit your life, and build a relationship with yourself that doesn’t depend on constant self-criticism.
If the challenges you’re facing feel bigger than what you can carry on your own, reaching out for eating disorder help is a strong, courageous next step. You deserve support that helps you feel grounded, safe, and capable of healing. If you’d like help beginning or continuing that journey, follow these simple steps:
Give us a call at 801-699-6161 or message us on our website insidewellenss.com
Learn more about online eating disorder therapy
Start receiving support to find lasting healing!
Other Mental Health Services Inside Wellness Offers in Provo and Salt Lake City, UT
At Inside Wellness, we understand the unique challenges this time of year can bring. That’s why we offer more than just eating disorder treatment. Our holistic mental health services in Provo and Salt Lake City, Utah, also include anxiety therapy, body image therapy, therapy for burnout, and support from compassionate therapists who understand the emotional weight of navigating holidays.
Visit our blog or FAQ to learn how online eating disorder therapy in Utah can help you today!