The holidays tend to bring up a complicated mix of emotions for many of us. Part of us look forward to the connection, the traditions, the lights, and the change of pace. And another part of us quietly braces for “the most wonderful time of the year”.
We brace for the expectations.
We brace for the planning.
We brace for the emotional labor we’ll instinctively take on, whether or not anyone asks us to.
If we’re honest, a lot of us carry an invisible weight this time of year. We want things to feel meaningful. We want people we care about to have a good experience. We want to show up well, thoughtfully, generously, and be fully present.
But somewhere along the way, those intentions twist into a kind of pressure that lives inside our bodies:
Make it perfect. Keep everyone happy. Don’t let anything fall apart. Don’t let anyone down.
It is a lot. Full stop.
More than most people realize.
And we rarely say it out loud.
So this piece is an invitation for all of us who overthink, who overfunction, and overextend:
What if we permit ourselves to imperfectly adult-it this year? Let’s try to let ourselves show up more honestly, show up messy, and show up outloud- even during the holidays.
This Pressure We Feel Is Likely Learned & Can Be Set Down or Tossed Aside
Many of us grew up absorbing messages that were the norms at the time, but can be challenged-our culture is now the culture of doing what actually works for you, your family, and your life.
So if you’re getting tripped up over the:
“Be helpful.”
“Don’t cause disappointment.”
“Keep the peace.”
“Be pleasant.”..........
It’s perfectly okay to kick those norms to the curb or ask them to kindly or not so kindly step out of your way.
Our Effort Deserves to Be Seen
Before we try to change anything, we deserve to name this truth:
Our desire to create meaningful experiences is beautiful.
Our instinct to care deeply is generous.
Our ability to sense the emotions in the room is a strength.
We’re not failing because we feel overwhelmed.
We’re not “too much.”
We’re not behind.
We’ve simply been carrying unrealistic expectations, often quietly, consistently, and alone.
No wonder our shoulders are tired.
We deserve a holiday season that offers emotional breathing room.
Our Bodies Deserve Our Respect
Being raised in & exposed to a culture obsessed with thinness, dieting, body monitoring, and “earning” food and taking a holiday & turns into a minefield of expectations, guilt, and self-loathing. Not to mention fertile ground for eating disorders to take hold or dive deeper into a space that serves no one.
We got here because we have been socialized into equating our worth with our bodies
It’s because we were trained to self-monitor
We were trained to take responsibility for things that were never ours to hold.
Seeing it clearly is the first step toward loosening its grip.
Three Gentle Shifts We Can Ease Into This Season
We’re intentionally keeping this list small. Women like us tend to take a list of ideas and turn it into a new self-improvement project. That’s not what we need.
These shifts aren’t “perform better” suggestions, they’re invitations to soften into a way of being that may serve you better.
1. The “Bare Minimum” Version Is Still Enough
So many of us default to all-or-nothing thinking:
the perfect meal
the perfect home
the perfect outfit
the perfect gift
the perfect emotional presence
This year, we can ask a different question:
“What would the truly sufficient version look like?”
Examples might include:
Lead with what works- I typically say- “let me know what I can bring that’s from Costco, Harmons, or Trader Joe’s”. People seem to appreciate the honesty & get a good laugh!!
wearing what feels comfortable
hosting simply instead of impressively
choosing just one gathering instead of every gathering
allowing good-enough to be… good enough
The bar is yours to set & it does not have to be high for the holidays to be meaningful.
2. A One-Sentence Interrupt for Body Criticism
Many of us find our inner critic getting louder this time of year. When that happens, we don’t need to jump from self-judgment to self-love. That gap is too big.
We just need a gentle interrupt.
Something like:
“My body is not a holiday project.”
“I’m allowed to enjoy this without monitoring myself.”
“I don’t need to earn being here.”
We may not fully believe it in the moment, but the interrupt helps us step out of the spiral and back into presence.
3. One Thing That’s Just for Us
Not a list of self-care tasks.
Not a new routine.
Just one thing.
One moment, one choice, one act that supports our need in a way that feels real.
It could be:
leaving a gathering earlier
asking for help with dishes
a slow, quiet morning
wearing cozy clothes
stepping outside for a breather
skipping something without apologizing
One small shift can change the entire tone of the day.
We’re Allowed to Experience the Holidays Differently
We don’t have to earn rest.
We don’t have to host perfectly.
We don’t have to carry other people’s emotions.
We don’t have to micromanage our bodies to feel worthy.
We don’t have to be “on” the whole time.
We’re allowed to be present—not perfect.
We’re allowed to take up space—not shrink.
We’re allowed to have limits—not just capacity.
We’re allowed to receive—not just give.
If holidays have always felt overwhelming or pressure-filled, it’s not because we’re doing anything wrong. It’s because we’ve been trying to meet expectations no one could reasonably carry.
This year, we can try something different.
Softer.
Kinder.
More human.
Start Perfectionist Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah
If these reflections resonate and you want support in softening perfectionism, easing emotional over-responsibility, or quieting the internal pressure that shows up this time (and all times of the year), therapy can help. You’re not meant to carry everything alone. You deserve support—now, during the holidays, and every season after. You deserve to live with more ease. Start your therapy journey with Inside Wellness by starting these simple steps:
Give us a call at 801-699-6161 or message us on our website insidewellenss.com
Learn more about perfectionism therapy
Start finding support and make the most of the holiday season!
Other Mental Health Services Inside Wellness Offers in Provo and Salt Lake City, UT
At Inside Wellness, we understand the unique challenges that the holiday season can bring. That’s why we offer more than support with perfectionism therapy. Our holistic mental health services in Provo and Salt Lake City, Utah, also include eating disorder treatment, anxiety therapy, body image therapy, therapy for burnout, and support from body positive therapists who understand the emotional weight of navigating holidays.
Visit our blog or FAQ to learn how online eating disorder therapy in Utah can help you today!