When You Want to Help but Don’t Know How
If someone you love is recovering from an eating disorder, Thanksgiving can be nerve-wracking. Not just for them, but for you as well. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, triggering old patterns, or preparing for an internal or external fight about food. You notice your anxiety starting to mount and yet the actual day isn’t even here yet. Your care comes from love, but there are limits to what love can do and if doing it for your love one worked, you would have it done by now. This battle is not yours to fight but it is yours to help defend.
The good news? You don’t have to be perfect to be supportive. You just need to approach Thanksgiving with awareness, compassion, and curiosity about what your loved one might need. This may look like knowing what defending recovery might look like to your loved one—and knowing that online eating disorder therapy in Utah can be a critical piece of their ongoing support system.
What Thanksgiving Feels Like for Someone in Recovery
For a person healing their relationship with food, Thanksgiving can feel like walking a tightrope. There’s pressure to eat “normally,” pressure to appear “fine,” and pressure to not make anyone else uncomfortable. At the same time, there’s exposure to foods that once felt forbidden and commentary from relatives about calories, carbs, and weight and everything diet culture that landed them here in the first place.
They may be managing invisible battles — intrusive thoughts, body image distress, guilt, or anxiety about eating publicly. That one crazy relative who always manages to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, no matter the topic. It can feel like they hopped on to a roller coaster that lasts all day or all weekend and they just want to be on solid ground. Your calm, accepting presence can make a world of difference
What To Do to Support Them
Ask first. Before the day arrives, gently check in:
“Hey, I know Thanksgiving can be tricky. Is there anything I can do (or avoid doing) that would make the day easier for you?”
That one question communicates respect and collaboration. It says, I’m on your team and I want to know how to be your teammate not your opponent, not the referee, not your coach calling plays & telling you how to do it “right”. Ask if they are willing to share what their dietician or an eating disorder therapist encouraged them to focus on and how you can support those goals.Model neutrality around food. Enjoy the meal without labeling foods as “good,” “bad,” “healthy,” or “indulgent.” Try to speak about food as nourishment, enjoyable, and a day to create connection & memories. Keeping the morality conversations at bay will keep you’re loved one’s negative critic at bay as well.
Protect the environment. If relatives start in with diet talk (“I’m being so bad eating this pie”), you can intervene:
“Let’s keep the food talk kind today, we’re all just here to enjoy the meal.” or If you family responds to more lightheartedness something like “‘I’ve never seen guilt make for a good side dish, let’s ditch this convo & just enjoy ourselves”Offer emotional presence, not pressure. You don’t need to make them eat or praise how much they eat. Simply sitting beside them calmly and engaging in normal conversation is often the most supportive thing you can do.
Shift the focus of gratitude. Help keep the table talk centered on connection and appreciation instead of bodies.
What Not to Say (Even If You Mean Well)
Some comments, though well-intentioned, can feel loaded for someone in recovery:
❌ “You look so healthy!” (This may be heard as “You’ve gained weight.”)
❌ “You’re doing so much better now, right?”
❌ “At least you’re eating again!”
❌ “I shouldn’t have seconds, but I can’t resist.”
❌Any negative comments about your own body
Instead, focus on connection-based statements:
✅ “It’s so good to see you.”
✅ “I’m really grateful to spend today with you.”
✅ “I love our Thanksgiving traditions.”
These affirm the relationship, not their body.
Understanding HAES and Diet Culture
Your loved one’s recovery is probably grounded in Health at Every Size (HAES) principles. It is the belief that health and worth aren’t determined by weight. Diet culture, on the other hand, equates thinness with virtue and food restraint with success.
Every time you refuse to join in negative body talk, or you eat joyfully without guilt, you help dismantle that system. This system is is main contributor to your child’s inner battle & pain points. We want to model that life can be meaningful at any size and that their worth & being present is more important to you than their size.
If You Notice Struggles
Even with the best preparation, Thanksgiving can bring up old patterns. If you notice your loved one becoming withdrawn, anxious around meals, or overly focused on what others are eating, try not to panic or shift into frustration. Curiosity is always the winning ingredient at this meal. Typically the interactions you see play out with food make sense in context of their underlying beliefs, comments others may have said that day, or memories from past holidays that were fraught with overwhelm or struggle. While we want this to be a day of connection, ease, and them being able to eat to fullness or overfullness (given that’s a normal part of the day) we know this may not happen until they are further down the road of recovery.
Try implementing anything that they have identified as helpful to you for this day, even if that includes doing nothing given that you may be eating with extended family or friends and we don’t want them to feel singled out & go into a shame spiral. Also, don’t forget to breathe. Not one day if going to make or break recovery, if your child’s treatment team isn’t panicked (and they are not or you’d likely know about it), then you don’t need to be either. Mis-steps & “failures” in this journey are the best data points to moving them forward. Recovery isn’t linear, needing extra support doesn’t mean they’ve failed. It means they’re human.
Caring for Yourself, Too
Supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally draining. Give yourself permission to have feelings about it including excitement, hope, confusion, worry, and even frustration. Consider scheduling a family consultation or short-term session with an eating disorder specialist to learn more about how to help without burning out..
Gratitude Beyond the Table
This Thanksgiving, let gratitude mean more than the food on the plate or the weight on the scale. For you, and for your loved one.. Let it mean appreciating the courage it takes for your loved one to keep choosing recovery. And gratitude for your own efforts & courage that keeps you walking beside them.
Your presence matters more than you know.
Is Online Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah the Support Your Loved One Might Need This Holiday?
Thanksgiving can be full of joy, but for someone in eating disorder recovery, it can also bring stress, anxiety, and triggers. At Inside Wellness, we offer online eating disorder therapy in Utah that makes it easier for your loved one to receive support—whether they need a grounding check-in before the holiday or deeper guidance afterward. These sessions can help reinforce the skills they’ve been building, provide space to talk through food- and family-related challenges, and remind them they’re not facing recovery alone. If you’re noticing your loved one struggling, trust your instincts; it’s okay to reach out. Encouraging therapy isn’t pushing them; it’s offering them a lifeline.
Give us a call at 801-699-6161 or message us on our website insidewellenss.com
Learn more about Online Eating Disorder Therapy
Because the holidays should feel like connection, not pressure—and help is always available.
Other Mental Health Services Inside Wellness Offers in Provo and Salt Lake City, UT
Supporting a loved one in eating disorder recovery during the holidays can be emotionally complex. While you may be focused on creating a peaceful, inclusive environment, it’s normal to feel unsure about what helps, and what doesn’t. That’s why Inside Wellness offers more than just eating disorder treatment and body image therapy. Our services in Provo and Salt Lake City, Utah, also include anxiety therapy, burnout support, and care for perfectionism; because recovery affects everyone in the system, not just the person in treatment.
Whether you're navigating difficult family conversations, worried about triggering moments at the table, or just trying to be a steady presence for someone you love, our therapists are here to support you, too. You don’t need to have all the answers, just a willingness to show up with compassion and curiosity. And if this season brings up your own emotions or stress, we offer space for you to process and reconnect with your intentions.
Visit our blog or FAQ to learn how online eating disorder therapy in Utah can support both individuals and families through the emotional ups and downs of the holiday season.