You are so excited to get out of dodge and spend a long weekend away from the daily grind of school.
You’re tired of top ramen and the million decisions you feel you need to make about your major, your social life, and your relationship status, or lack thereof. You can almost feel the stress melt away as you pull out of town and head home. You’re feeling relaxed and hopeful that this weekend will allow you to rest and reset with your family & friends. And then you wake up on Thanksgiving morning, only to find out that the anxiety you thought you left behind hitched a ride home with you and will now be your weekend “plus one”. Ugh, dread and worry start to set in and suddenly the thought of seeing the extended family brings on the overwhelm. You really want to be real and connected but you fear that your anxiety will be the worst plus one at the party.
Instead of panicking or trying to run from this uninvited guest, it will be a smoother day if you can quickly attend to it and befriend it. So just like a dinner guest, you get to set the ground rules.
1. A Good Host Has Boundaries
A typical host will welcome everyone who shows up to dinner, even the uninvited ones. They acknowledge the guests and their needs and then set expectations as to what is going to happen or not happen during their stay. So just like that host, when your anxiety pulls up a chair and starts running through worst-case scenarios or the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s you can kindly let your anxiety know that this is not the time or place for that conversation, but that it is definitely one you are willing to have at another time.
You are setting a mental boundary with the anxiety- not shunning it nor soaking it all in. Anxiety, after all, is a signal that is trying to warn us of any & all outliers or bad outcomes so that we can try to prevent any pain. While it has good intentions, it certainly has poor timing. If acknowledging it, thanking it, and inviting it to come back later fails to work. You can write it down on your phone or quickly text a friend or family member what you are anxious about to ask for some support.
2. Practice Mindfulness as You Pass the Mashed Potatoes
Since anxiety is the ultimate champion of reciting future tragedy and past crimes, it will often throw you out of the moment in a hurry. You can bring yourself back into the moment as you are talking to a loved one or passing eyeing your favorite Thanksgiving day food. Imagine you’re passing a dish of mashed potatoes, staying fully present, aware of the warmth of the dish, the scent, the comfort. Focusing on the positive attributes of those around you or the food items you enjoy can be a way of getting all of your senses into the moment. And the more our bodies are in the moment, the more our minds will be too.
3. See Anxiety as a Sympathetic Guest, Not a Critic
When anxiety arrives, it often feels like an overbearing critic, nitpicking and judging everything about you. But what if you could shift your perspective and see it as a somewhat misguided friend who’s just trying to keep you safe? Anxiety’s job is to help you be alert and prepared, even if it overdoes it.
Instead of fighting or resenting your anxiety, consider thanking it. Say to yourself, “I see that you’re here because you’re trying to protect me. I appreciate that, but I don’t need you to handle everything right now.” Or “Even though there is tension between family members right now, it is not your job to fix it. People can work through their feelings without your help”. This shift can soften the emotions because once we understand the WHY an emotion is activating, we can help empower our brains to recognize that it is normal, even if it is uninvited and being “over generous” in how much it is sharing or encouraging you to do.
4. Redirect Your Focus to the People Around You
Have you ever been to a party or event with a friend who is very social and can hold their own, so to speak? The kind who talks to everyone and is okay to sit by people they just met? Let’s treat your anxiety as this type of friend. You can step into any conversation or help with any part of the preparation and trust that your anxiety doesn't need you to entertain it. When it tries to jump into a conversation, quickly introduce it to your family member or politely ask it to circle back once you’re done talking or with that task.
Anxiety has a sneaky way of drawing attention inward. Letting others know that anxiety coming up can often help us feel less alone. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your anxiety with others, you can let them know that your mind is struggling to detach from school & being busy and ask them to help you stay in the moment by asking you more questions, or giving you a task that gets you fully immersed in the moment.
Another idea is that you can shift into active listening mode if that’s a better fit. You could pretend you are a reporter. Try to listen to the story in a way that you can recall the details or the emotions. Anything that will help you be out of your head and into the moment will do. When you’re present with others, you’re less available for anxiety to dominate your thoughts.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break
Thanksgiving gatherings can be intense, and it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions in these settings. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to step away. You can head to the bathroom and do some box breathing or a quick meditation from any app that can help soothe you. Maybe even a favorite song that helps soothe your nerves or really pulls you into the moment because it just makes you want to dance. Sometimes just intentionally changing locations or scenery will help your body & mood reset a little and give you time to choose a new game plan to offload what you're feeling and find a new path forward to connect to others.
Taking breaks doesn’t mean you’re letting anxiety win—it means you’re taking care of yourself. If you find that stepping outside to breathe, stretch, or simply sit in silence helps, then do it. By respecting your needs, you’re showing anxiety that you’re in charge of your well-being and that it doesn’t have the final say.
Embracing the Thanksgiving Plus One
It might feel odd to think of anxiety as a guest rather than an intruder, but when we resist anxiety, it often digs in its heels. By acknowledging it—seeing it, setting boundaries, and allowing it to be part of your experience without dictating every part of your day or weekend, it will allow you to take your power back.
Remember, anxiety might not always be the most graceful guest, but with a little patience and self-compassion, you can share the table with it. The goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety entirely; it’s to let it join without letting it run the show.
This Thanksgiving, give yourself permission to feel however you feel, knowing that you have the tools to navigate the complex landscape of emotions that come with it. And when anxiety inevitably pulls up a chair, face it, take a breath, and remember that you are not your anxiety. You will get through this, and you will be okay.
Start Therapy for Anxiety in Salt Lake City, Ut
If you need help coping with your anxiety & overwhelm, you do not have to do it alone. Our caring therapists at Inside Wellness are here to help. You can start your therapy journey and start working through your anxiety this holiday season by following these simple steps:
Contact us through our online form or by calling 801-699-6161.
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Be more present this holiday season!
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Anxiety treatment isn’t the only service Inside Wellness offers. Our team is happy to offer support with other mental health services, including eating disorder treatment and body image therapy. Learn more about the support in person or online therapy can offer today by visiting our blog or FAQ today.