Have you ever felt like nothing you do is quite good enough? Maybe you spend hours rewriting an email at work, feeling like it still doesn’t sound “right.” Or maybe you avoid starting a big project because you’re afraid it won’t turn out exactly as you imagined.
That, my friend, is perfectionism at work.
Perfectionism isn’t just about “trying to do your best.” It’s about tying your self-worth to flawless performance and feeling like anything less than perfect is unacceptable. It’s exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and—ironically—often leads to procrastination, burnout, and self-doubt.
Let’s take a deep dive into the core of perfectionism, how it shows up in different areas of life, and, most importantly, how you can start breaking free through self-compassion.
The Core Tenets of Perfectionism
At its core, perfectionism is driven by the belief that:
Mistakes = Failure: There’s no room for getting things wrong or learning through trial and error. If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing.
Your Worth Is Tied to Your Achievements: You feel like you’re “only as good” as your latest success. If you don’t excel, you fear others will think less of you—or worse, you’ll think less of yourself.
Control is Everything: Perfectionists often try to control outcomes, whether that’s by obsessively checking work, avoiding risks, or delaying decisions until they feel completely “ready” (which never really happens).
There’s a Constant Fear of Judgment: You don’t just want to succeed—you want to be seen as successful, competent, and put-together at all times. The idea of others seeing your flaws or struggles feels unbearable.
Rest Feels Undeserved: Relaxing feels like slacking off. You think, “I’ll rest when I’ve accomplished everything on my list.” But that list is never-ending.
While these beliefs might seem like they push you toward success, they often backfire, leading to:
Procrastination (because if it can’t be perfect, why start?)
Burnout (because perfectionism is a full-time job)
Low self-worth (because you never feel “good enough”)
Anxiety and avoidance (because failure feels catastrophic)
Now let’s see what perfectionism actually looks like in everyday life.
How Perfectionism Shows Up in Different Life Stages
The College Student: The Fear of Getting it Wrong
Meet Sarah. She’s a college sophomore who spends hours perfecting her essays before turning them in. If she gets an A-, she spirals into self-doubt, convinced she’s not as smart as she thought.
When studying for exams, she spends so much time re-reading every chapter that she never finishes her study plan. Her anxiety keeps her up late, and even when she does get good grades, she feels like she should have done more.
How Perfectionism Holds Her Back:
She struggles with procrastination because she doesn’t want to start assignments unless she’s sure they’ll be great.
She overworks herself, but no matter how much she does, she never feels truly satisfied.
The Young Professional: Hustling for Approval
Now meet Jake. He’s a young marketing professional in his first full-time job. Every email he writes goes through multiple drafts because he’s terrified of sounding unprofessional. He volunteers for every project—even when he’s overwhelmed—because he wants to prove himself.
At meetings, he hesitates to share ideas in case they’re not “perfect.” He replays conversations in his head, wondering if he said anything that made him look incompetent.
How Perfectionism Holds Him Back:
He’s constantly second-guessing himself, which slows down his work.
He takes on too much, fearing that saying “no” will make him look bad.
He’s afraid to take risks or speak up, even when he has great ideas.
The Parent: The Pressure to Be Everything
Finally, meet Lisa. She’s a mother of two who feels like she’s failing if she’s not doing everything “right.” She reads parenting blogs obsessively, trying to make sure her kids eat the healthiest meals, get the best education, and never experience any struggle.
She compares herself to other moms on social media, feeling guilty if she loses her patience or doesn’t plan picture-perfect family outings. If her child struggles in school or has a meltdown, she blames herself, wondering if she should have done more.
How Perfectionism Holds Her Back:
She struggles to relax and feels like she’s “doing enough.”
She’s hard on herself for things that are outside of her control.
She puts everyone else first but never gives herself grace.
How to Challenge Perfectionism Through Self-Compassion
Perfectionism can feel like a heavy burden, but the good news is you don’t have to stay stuck in it. The antidote? Self-compassion.
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness, patience, and understanding that you would offer a friend. It’s about embracing imperfection and realizing that your worth isn’t tied to how “perfect” you are.
Here are a few practical ways to start challenging perfectionism with self-compassion:
1. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend
Would you tell your best friend, “You’re such a failure because you made a small mistake”? No? Then why say it to yourself?
When you catch yourself in self-criticism mode, ask:
“What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
Then say that to yourself.
2. Embrace “Good Enough”
Instead of striving for 100% perfection, aim for 80% progress. Done is better than perfect. Improvement matters more than flawlessness.
Ask yourself:
Is this actually not good enough, or am I holding myself to an impossible standard?
What would happen if I let this be “good enough” and moved on?
3. Accept Mistakes as Growth Opportunities
Perfectionists fear failure, but mistakes are a normal part of learning.
Instead of saying “I failed”, try:
“I’m learning.”
“This didn’t go as planned, but what can I take from it?”
Mistakes don’t define you. They help you grow.
4. Challenge the “All-or-Nothing” Thinking
Perfectionists tend to see things in black and white—it’s either perfect or a failure. Challenge that by asking:
“Did I really fail, or did I just not meet my impossible standard?”
“Is this really a disaster, or is it just uncomfortable?”
There’s a whole gray area between perfect and failure—and that’s where real life happens.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Rest
You don’t need to earn rest by “doing enough.” You are worthy of rest and joy simply because you exist.
Ask yourself:
Would I tell someone else they don’t deserve to take a break?
How can I allow myself to rest without guilt?
Final Thoughts: Progress Over Perfection
Perfectionism might feel like a badge of honor, but in reality, it’s a heavy chain that keeps you stuck. Real success comes from embracing imperfection, taking risks, and giving yourself grace.
So today, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
You are already enough.
You are allowed to be a work in progress.
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy, loved, and successful.
Because you are.
Start Overcoming Perfectionism and Anxiety With Therapy for Anxiety in Utah
If you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, or just feel like you’d like some help learning how to put self-compassion into action, reach out and give us a call at 801-699-6161. Our team is ready to provide support in overcoming perfectionism, you don’t have to navigate it alone. You can start your therapy journey with Inside Wellness by following these steps:
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